Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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