Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
