If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
