It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
