both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
