Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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