Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
