dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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