i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
