I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
