Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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