Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
