I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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