Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No subtext here. People are naked.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
