I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
