Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
