I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
