Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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