I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
