"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's shark week go big or go home
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
