so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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