I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
