yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
