she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
