Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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