The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You can't special order awesome
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
