i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
