Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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