Ambien. No doubt about it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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