Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
