dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
