so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
