I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?