im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.