You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?