The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dicks are not precious.