I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.