Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother