my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.