Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
