Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
