please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
