i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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