who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
