if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
