He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
