the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize