So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
time to smoke my breakfast
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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