He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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