What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
