Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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