I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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