WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
