I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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