i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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