I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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