dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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