I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
