yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
