Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is Oprah even human
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
