I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
