I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
