You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
