also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
