I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
