ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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