Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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