4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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