I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
